lunes, 18 de julio de 2016

Playing with Prisma (and a sort of gallery)

Here's something a lot of people don't know: I'm a photographer. Yeah, I've worked as a photojournalist for three different publications in two different countries, I've had my work in galleries and coffee shops (the hipster way, baby!), I had an agent for my photos for about two years (even sold a piece!), and once received a prize from the Instituto de Cultura Puertorriqueña for my work. I learned everything about darkroom techniques from friends who could afford classes and finally embraced the digital age right before moving to Austin. The along came phones with cameras. 

Sure, I was skeptical at first and kinda hated the idea of everyone calling themselves a photographer (or phonetographer, depending on their level of tech nerdiness and command of new lingo). Then I realized that none of that matter and that new technology would bring about more cool images for everyone to enjoy because folks take their phones everywhere, phone cameras are now better than early digital SLRs, and filters and apps are readily available, which ultimately leads to image manipulation being something everyone can do at any time even if they've never touched a camera or heard about Photoshop. The first app/thingy I loved to play with that wasn't just straight filters was Dream Deeply. Sadly, it soon turned into a bunch of dog faces and the collective passion for it lasted a few days longer than the love for Ello (remember when y'all mufuckas said you were quitting Facebook and moving to Ello? Haha). Now we have Prisma, and what I'm seeing online is awesome: folks turning what they see into strange works of art. I've been playing with the app a lot lately and have learned a few things that could help you make your photos even better. Here are a few of those things I learned: 

1. Prisma tends to produce blocky images and their cropping isn't great, so keep that in mind and keep away from extreme close ups, especially is you want to later crop the image to fit elsewhere or to removed the Prisma logo. 

2. The whacky names tell you nothing about the filters, but after using it enough, you learn to guess more or less what a filter will to an image and can change it accordingly. For those filters that love color (Dreams, Ice Cream, Tokyo, etc.), consider saturating the color in another app or on your computer first. This will make everything more powerful on the final image. Also, remember that what the app gives you is not necessarily a final product. After I get something cool, I save it to my phone and either work on it further from there or send it to my computer to play around with it some more. 

3. Some filters kinda suck. Take the two images below. The are the same photo (glasses hanging from a rack at a bar). The one on top is still recognizable (Marcus D - Lone Wolf, which loves to fill in backgrounds), but the one at the bottom is just lines (Mondrian). I'm not saying it's not an interesting image, but most people who are playing with the app kinda want the end result to be something people will recognize. 

4. Some filters are really simple and predictable. Others give your surprising results. Here's what I've learned to far: Electric will soften lines and make everything blue. Roy will make this look like bad Warhol imitations. Mark has a somewhat impressionistic slant that can work really well with mellow colors (Raoul will do more or less the same except that it seems to toughen up lines and backgrounds a bit more). Urban makes everything black and white and makes images look like cubist interpretations of the Sin City aesthetic. Heisenberg, Curly Hair, and Light Summer Reading are slightly different variations of ink sketches or charcoal work, depending on what you feed them. 

5. The best way to confuse the app and get the results you want is by going with black and white. Except the three filters that make things monochromatic, most filters will try to "guess" what they're looking at and react accordingly. The image at the beginning of this post is originally black and white. I darkened the light a bit and the app started filling in spaces with purple. The image below is also black and white, and it was darker still, so the app decided to go with a different color. I'm still trying to figure it out, but black and white tones are reinterpreted depending on a few elements. Nice, isn't it?
6. Dreams seems to be one of the most popular filters, and I understand that. It reinforces lines, makes everything sharp, and boosts colors into strange (usually orange/yellowish/deep blues) combinations. It also works great with black and white because it "reads" it as either blur or orange/red. Dig this image of a tree, which I'm calling "Capillaries":

Okay, I'm done for now. Have fun with this thing and remember that your phone probably allows you to crop, saturate color, etc., and you can do all of it before and after in order to alter images. Oh, and I see everybody going with 100% on the filter every single time. Some images benefit from a little softening, so explore that by decreasing the filter percentage now and then. If you take some nudes, send them my way. You know, for the art and shit. 




martes, 12 de julio de 2016

I want to be there today

We were young and drunk and happy and the water in Amelia Island was cold but our hearts were full of fire. I want to be there today.

She wore a black leather jacket and an old gypsy woman told her she was going to have a daughter and her feet were bleeding from walking too much and Madrid was pure magic and museums and cockroaches at night. I want to be there today.

There was snow on the rooftops and poems written on the walls and folks who were packed with love milling around and the wind told me nothing really mattered that much. I want to be there today.

We gave the canoe a name and the ocean healed our wounds and the booze fueled our dreams and friendship was something tangible and the future was uncertain but far away and the immediacy of skin and sand made it less scary. I want to be there today.

Her minuscule apartment overlooked a gas station and there were cacti planted in an old, rusty grill and the beach was a few hundred feet away and tiny brown lizards were dancing on the walls and only music and new love mattered. I want to be there today.

The fridge was empty and the raindrops pummeling the window were a thousand tiny demons trying to get in and devour me and the live-in manager was screaming while high on pain meds and ignorance and lukewarm Jamaican beer and the heater was busted and it was 38 degrees inside but I had a few novels and a new obsession with Everett Ruess and my guitar and an old laptop and time in front of me. I want to be there today.

That park in West Palm Beach where we slept two nights while Willie struggled with dry contact lenses. That muddy river in Guánica where dark shapes crisscrossed underneath the kayak. That beach in Costa Rica where the rocks were covered with promises. That ledge in El Yunque that we used as an umbrella when the rain was the end of the world and we saw black snails the size of plates. That juke joint in East Austin where the ghosts turned into funk. I want to be there and there and there. I want to be there today.

sábado, 2 de enero de 2016

2015 in books: quality reigned and quantity sucked

As I said before, 2015 was a bad in year in terms of reading and reviewing. Between looking for work, dealing with the problems that come from having no income, the new gig, the two books, gym, life, and the rest of it, I didn't get even close to 200 books. Sadly, it was also the first since 2013 that I haven't cracked at least 120 books. In any case, I managed to tackle some monsters (Sattin, Ligotti, and VanderMeer, for example) and read some truly outstanding novels. I also started reading some great stuff and never finished it, so the 20 books or so that are in various stages shall be restarted this year. Yeah, I'm going to try to read 200 books in 2016. I even got the Goodreads app thingy so I can keep track. More about that later. Here's what I finished in 2015 in no particular order.
 
1. Skullcrack City by Jeremy Robert Johnson
2. Asura Girl by Otaro Maijo
3. The Lost Level by Brian Keene
4. First Yeah Healthy by Michael DeForge
5. Find Me by Laura van den Berg
6. Bipolar Cowboy by Noah Cicero
7. Satanas by Mario Mendoza
8. Something Good, Something Bad, Something Dirty by Brian Alan Ellis
9. Area X by Jeff VanderMeer  
10. Arrows of Rain by Okey Ndibe
11. Naked Friends by Justin Grimbol
12. The Afflictions by Vikram Paralkar
13. Winterswim by Ryan W. Bradley
14. Worm by Anthony Neil Smith 
15. Mercy House by Adam Cesare
16. Today I Am A Book by xTx
17. How to Pose for Hustler by Andrea Kneeland
18. Visions by Troy James Weaver
19. Live Bait by Cameron Pierce
20. Revenge is a Redhead by Phil Beloin Jr.
21. Dodgeball High by Bradley Sanders
22. Jigsaw Youth by Tiffany Scandal
23. Black Gum by J David Osborne
24. GYO by Junji Ito
25. Morte by Robert Repino
26. The Abortion by Richard Brautigan
27. Goodbye to the Nervous Apprehension by Michael Heald
28. F-250 by Bud Smith
29. The Children of Old Leech edited by Ross E. Lockhart and Justin Steele
30. SNAFU: Heroes by various
31. Exponential by Adam Cesare
32. My Documents by Alejandro Zambra
33. Ocean Beach by Frank Cassese
34. Thieves Fall Out by Gore Vida
35. A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay
36. The Silence by Tim Lebbon
37. i want love so great by Calvero
38. New Yorked by Rob Hart
39. Double Indemnity by James M. Cain
40. Arafat Mountain by Mike Kleine
41. Witchita Stories by Troy James Weaver
42. Bull Mountain by Brian Panowich
43. The Up-Down by Barry Gifford
44. Sanctuary by Ken Bruen
45. New Yorked by Rob Hart
46. Gun Machine by Warren Ellis
47. The Case Against Satan by Ray Russell
48. Get It While You Can by Nick Jaina
49. Paradise Sky by Joe Lansdale
50. Stealing Propeller Hats From The Dead by David James Keaton 
51. Songs of a Dead Dreamer and Grimscribe by Thomas Ligotti 
52. Boiled Americans by Michael Allen Rose
53. Everything Used to Work by Robert Spencer
54. Border Lore: Folktales and Legends of South Texas by David Bowles
55. Tables Without Chairs #1 by Bud Smith and Brian Alan Ellis
56. Rosario Tijeras by Jorge Franco
57. No Moon by Julie Reverb
58. Tram 83 by Fiston Mwanza Mujila
59. Desolation of Avenues Untold by Brandon Hobson
60. The Paper Man by Gallagher Lawson
61. Haints Stay by Colin Winnette
62. OG Dad by Jerry Stahl
63. White Crocodile by K.T. Medina
64. Strange Animals by Chad Kultgen
65. Where Bears Roam the Streets by Jeff Parker
66. Skinner by David Bernstein 
67. The Incoming Tide by Cameron Pierce
68. Sucker June by Sean Kilpatrick 
69. The Cult of Loretta by Kevin Maloney 
70. The Revelator by Robert Kloss
71. Outdancing the Universe by Lauren Gilmore
72. Bad Sex by Clancy Martin
73. Safe Inside the Violence by Christopher Irvin
74. The Gun by Fuminori Nakamura
75. Martin and John by Dale Peck
76. Killing Auntie by Andrzej Bursa
77. A Negro and an Ofay by Danny Gardner
78. Gestapo Mars by Victor Gischler
79. Mercy House by Adam Cesare 
80. The New York Stories by Ben Tanzer
82. The Lost Treasures of R&B by Nelson George
83. The Dream Keeper and Other Poems by Langston Hughes
84. The Silent End by Samuel Sattin
85. The Strangest by Michael J. Seidlinger
86. The Last Weekend by Nick Mamatas

I also read about a dozen graphic novels and three or four books for children every night. Those are awesome. Happy reading, lovely creatures. 

domingo, 13 de diciembre de 2015

Buscapié: ¿Prensa?

Si fuese fanático de las teorías de conspiración, diría que el Buscapié de hoy no salió en versión digital porque siniestras figuras no desean que mis palabras sean leídas por más personas. En fin, aquí se los dejo. Compártanlo para que el mundo sepa...


¿Prensa?
Cuando se publicó mi primer libro me comuniqué con la prensa del país. La mayoría no me contestó. Los pocos que lo hicieron me informaron que en Puerto Rico no se escribe sobre libros. La experiencia me dejó con mal sabor de boca, una comprensión profunda de las frustraciones de la clase artística del país y una acidez poco profesional para todo con lo que respecte a la cobertura del quehacer cultural de mi isla.
Cuando se publicó mi segundo libro no me molesté en avisarle a nadie. Era un tributo a las novelas “pulp” que devoré ávidamente durante mis años de escuela superior y un guiño al impacto cultural de novelas/películas como Jaws. La casa editorial se encargó de todo.
El 31 de Octubre de este año se publicó Zero Saints, mi tercera novela. Es la primera novela de crimen publicada en espanglish por la editorial Broken River Books. Recibió halagos de Jerry Stahl. Fue nombrada una de las mejores diez novelas del año por la revista Cultured Vultures y una de las 50 mejores novelas del año por la revista Entropy. Esta semana estoy estudiando una propuesta de una compañía de cine independiente. Y en mi país no la ha leído nadie. Lo más triste del asunto no es eso, si no que no me importa.
Me gustaba, de una manera retorcida que algún psicólogo podría explicar mejor que yo, la ira que me invadía antes. Me importaba. Me dolía. Ahora siento mi escritura boricua (en la novela hay un reggaetonero, por ejemplo), pero a la vez retirada, ajena, independiente, expatriada. Veo a mis compatriotas: poetas laureados en América Latina, cineastas proyectando en Europa, músicos haciendo bailar pies en otros suelos y escritores compartiendo sus letras con lectores de otros países y ya no me interesa que Puerto Rico no participe del proceso. Esa indiferencia me fastidia más que la indignación anterior. Quiero esa furia de vuelta porque la apatía me hace sentir que dejo triunfar al antiintelectualismo.

domingo, 22 de noviembre de 2015

The Cinematic Haters Ball: The Human Centipede 3

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Saying I watched The Human Centipede 3 is inaccurate. What should be said is that I tortured my eyeballs and polluted my brain for an hour and a half without any goddamn reason to. Now I want to grab Tom Six by the ankles and smack him against the wall until both legs become detached from the rest of the pulpy, untalented mess. Just…fuck.

I’d usually bother with something akin to a synopsis, but this abysmal piece of whale shit doesn’t even deserve that and comes as close to having a plot as Donald Trump comes to sounding like a rational human. This painfully shot, ridiculously overacted, unfunny waste of time took about ten minutes to climb to the top of the list of the worst movies I’ve seen this year, and then kept climbing like a young alpinist bent on summiting Everest on the only good weather day of the year.

The problem with communicating how truly awful this movie is stems from the fact that horror movies can be nauseating, vile, foul, disgusting, dreadful, sickening, ghastly, horrific, and repugnant while still being good movies. Not this one. This is a dreadful thing that shouldn’t have been seen by anyone not being subjected to systematic torture for crimes against children. The fact that the best acting in the film comes from a lady who used to do porn should’ve been a sign, but no one paid attention and they released it. They shouldn’t remain unpunished for this atrocious act. This odious collection of utter garbage is the cinematic equivalent of sitting on a red ant hill with you ass covered in honey while fellating a cactus, and someone should be in jail for making it.

Fuck it, I’m done with any attempt at analyzing something that was less interesting to look at than a stagnant puddle. Instead, I’ll give you a series of lines that I’m 100% were uttered in the set of this thing at least once:

1.     “What? No, I don’t know what a script is.”
2.     “There are no lines. Just tell Dieter Laser to yell incoherently for a few minutes.”
3.     “No, no, no. We’re not going for scary, smart or funny; we just want this shit to be as obnoxious as possible.”
4.     “Yes, this is edgy as fuck, dude!”
5.     “This seems like a perfect idea…on acid.”

Okay, I’m done with this thing. On a scale from 1 to 10, this was a solid “I’d rather chew on putrid meat while getting tasered than watch three minutes of this dreadful chunk of cinematic refuse.”

sábado, 17 de octubre de 2015

The Cinematic Haters Ball: Mad Max: Fury Road

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Listen, I know how things become incredibly popular. First, some idiots get together and start saying something’s really cool and then everyone jumps on that wagon because we’re sick, lonely creatures obsessed with fitting in and no one wants to be left out. That’s how awful wastes of time like The Cabin in the Woods become “genius” movies and the reason why someone like Stephenie Meyer ends up being one of the most successful authors in history.  It’s also how Mad Max: Fury Road ends up being called the best fucking movie since the coalescing of stardust.

Yeah, I sat down and watched the movie. As usual, the overhypers had me expecting a cinematic experience that would make me forget all previous cinematic experiences. In the end, while fast and entertaining, I ended up watching a film full of weird cars and a plot thinner than rolling paper. Basically, a renegade driver tries to save the shampoo commercial models a bad guy on life support keeps in his cave castle for reproductive purposes. It also has the guy from Powder playing a few weak metal riffs on a guitar that’s also a flamethrower, but whatever.

Mad Max: Fury Road is far from boring, but there are so many mistakes and inconsistencies that anyone calling this movie “the best movie ever” deserves a slow, painful death. Let me break down some of them in order to illuminate your Adam-Sandler-loving ass:

1.     These motherfuckers drive for a million miles and we don’t see a single shrub or tree. Then their truck gets stuck in the mud and the last tree on earth is a few feet away and ready to save the day. Get outta here with that bullshit.
2.     Just like there is no flora, there is no fauna. The world is a desert. However, after an explosion, we see some birds. Please refer to the last sentence in the previous entry.
3.     I used to help a neighbor of mine with his cars back in the day. We had to use a special soap made with all kinds of chemicals and sand to get the grease off our fingers. In this movie, Furiosa paints her entire forehead twice with a fingertip full of grease and then has a clean-ish face next morning.
4.     Just like that disappearing grease bullshit, Powder’s cousin paints his mouth and teeth with silver spray paint twice, and that also magically disappears. 
5.     Are we supposed to think that you can climb into the motor of a moving truck, tie a fucking hose, and everything is fine for another million miles?
6.     Powder’s cousin is apparently dying at the beginning of the movie, but then he turns into a hero, runs back and forth through the desert, and never seems to be in pain.
7.     From standing up and jumping around on moving vehicles to Cirque du Soleil employees doing weird things on moving poles attached to cars, this movie is designed to make anyone remotely familiar with the laws of physics or the concept of inertia cry their eyes out.
8.     The movie is titled Mad Max: Fury Road and Charlize Theron’s character is furious…and her name is Furiosa. How long did it take y’all to come up with that one?
9.     People in this movie talk like most millenials spell on Twitter.
10. I thought the movie had a bit of a female empowerment kinda thing going, which was great, but y’all had to put the shampoo models in a wet t-shirt scene in the middle of the desert, didn’t you, you dirty animals?
11. There was a serious lack of busted tires in this movie. Apparently any juiced old truck can win the Dakar rally.
12. How did the removable arm with no cables work? If it was telepathically operated and they didn’t tell us, they suck.
13. Did most critics just kinda missed the fact that this film is a two-hour long chase and not much more? Did the cool touches the director threw in there made everyone skip over the fact that there’s basically one emotional character and the rest are just folks trying to escape? Of everything folks believe in across the globe, are we supposed to just accept that only Norse mythology survived the apocalypse and every white, bald dude dreams of Valhalla? You guys make me want to punch babies in the face.
14. If they have the technology to keep people alive and make cars immortal, why the fuck are they running around with guns that look like they were pulled out of a bad steampunk novel?
15. The truck is full of “guzzline,” but Max can clean his face with milk because fuck everything and fuck lazy viewers, right? Hooray for Hollywood! I guess it works because he grabs a red container, walks 27 miles, sets off an explosion, and comes back, and all of that takes him about 11 seconds.

Okay, I won’t waste any more time picking this thing apart. I’m done. This is fine entertainment if you don’t want to overanalyze what you’re watching, but its success is less due to its merits and more due to the fact that we’re used to Hollywood shitting in our mouths and then asking us to applaud what they just did. Call me Furioso. Have a horrible day. 

sábado, 19 de septiembre de 2015

25 conversation starters that make me turn around and leave

I try not to be an asshole, but I have turned into an angry old man who constantly thinks about how my time could be put to better use. I have a lot to do/see/accomplish/listen to/write/read, and engaging in nonsense is something I'm just not willing to do any more. So, here are 25 conversation starters that make me immediately start ignoring someone, turn around, and walk away:

1. I'm not a racist, but...
2. I'm not a homophobe, but...
3. I'm not a misogynist, but...
4. I learned on NPR...
5. I was at Whole Foods/Trader Joe's getting some organic kale...
6. The new Iggie Azalea/Nicki Minaj/Usher/Jidenna is the best...
7. The problem with immigration is... 
8. At my frat house...
9. Cultural appropriation and cooptation don't really exist because...
10. Poor people are poor because...
11. The Bible says...
12. I'm not a fan of books...
13. I support Trump because...
14. Dudes with man-buns are hot...
15. We were vaping and...
16. Horror/crime sucks because...
17. If you haven't seen _________, something's fucking wrong with you...
18. You really shouldn't eat meat because...
19. Abortion should be illegal because...
20. This fucking feminazi...
21. This bitch was so fucking hot...
22. Have you read James Patterson' latest?
23. I hate Mexican food...
24. Let me tell you something you don't know...
25. Black Lives Matter is stupid/racist because...

There are many more, but those 25 should be enough to make my point: I have no time for your bullshit. Have a nice day!